Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” — Genesis 2:18 ESV
As a Christian man, I desire to have a wife. God Himself says that it is not good for man to be alone. But in order to stand by my side, a woman will have to have exceptional qualities. These are very rare in this age.
If I were to marry a woman, she would have to be a woman who is wise, and who is very strong in her character. I think of the personification of Wisdom in the Book of Proverbs, and of the Proverbs 31 woman as examples of the feminine ideal.
A big part of my role in this world is speaking the truth. I teach people through my articles, videos, and most importantly, through my SciFi and fantasy stories. By telling the truth, when necessary, I have lost a lot of friends in this life, and I expect that I will lose many more. A woman who cares more about being popular than about speaking the truth should not consider me as her potential husband.
In the Church, we have a lot of people who are more interested in getting along with other people than they are in teaching what God has made clear. This is a problem even in conservative churches. Churches should be speaking out against evolution, abortion, homosexual behavior, effeminacy, oppressive government, and numerous other evils, while teaching the bride of Christ how to be virtuous and how to live rationally, regardless of who is offended by it.
In particular, a woman who believes that it is okay for a Christian to vote for pro-abortion politicians is not worth my time. I consider such individuals to be as sinful as any prostitute.
I hate to put this all in the negative, but it’s important for me to be clear. I have no interest in women who are people-pleasers.
That said, I want a wife who is a lover of peace. I want a wife who treats her home, my home, as a palace and a sanctuary. The home should be a place of rest and peace where I can enjoy life with the woman to whom I am married.
The woman who shares my life will ideally be a woman who is an embodiment of wisdom. One who recognizes truth, and knows how to speak the truth at the appropriate time. As my helpmate, I hope she will be a woman who can mutually offer wisdom to me. The man may be the head of the household, but even in the ancient world, a queen who was wise and who could advise the king was highly valued. A woman who can help me to see clearly and who can encourage me towards righteousness would be a huge value to my life.
In terms of our household, I would want her to be like the Proverbs 31 woman. I would want her to be a mother to my children, and capable of educating the next generation. Many women (and men for that matter) think that giving to charity is the most important economic activity in the Christian life. But the Proverbs 31 woman runs her own businesses from her home, and takes care of her own household, and gives to the poor and needy out of her abundance.
This Proverbs 31 woman reminds me of Dagny Taggart in Atlas Shrugged. Ms. Taggart is a railroad heiress who loves life and loves to be free. It is important for both men and women to love these values as well.
Sadly, most Christian churches teach Kantianism, the idea that your life is to revolve around other people. This is not what we see in the Bible or in the teachings of Jesus Christ.
While it is true that marriage requires a lot of investment and a lot of work, many Christians teach that marriage is all about self-sacrifice, especially for the man. But when we read Genesis and the Book of Proverbs, the ideal woman is a benefit to the man, not a “ball and chain.” The ideal marriage should be about mutual benefit to both the man and the woman, not about sacrifice for the sake of sacrifice. I am hoping for a woman who can share my life and enjoy it with me.
There is a lot more that I could say, but it is very rare to find a woman with these qualities. A woman who loves the LORD is a very special find, even within the walls of the Church.
As a man, I have my faults. I am far from perfect, but one thing a friend commended me on recently is that I strive for the ideal. I want to honor Christ in this life and run my race in a way that makes my Father proud to call me His son. Only a woman who is there by my side and who can help me to live a life that honors the LORD is worth my time.
